


this place will swallow you whole

by softspoken



Series: settle [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Mpreg, Pregnancy Scares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-11 14:15:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2071431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softspoken/pseuds/softspoken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it's different for harry, though. </p><p>they both know that if it came down to it, harry would take louis over the baby, even if he's never said it aloud. he's selfish like that; that he'd rather anything else than lose louis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this place will swallow you whole

**Author's Note:**

> WOW THIS IS LONG OVERDUE IM SO SORRY

**there’s a baby on board, you absolute imbecile**

**=**

one thing no one ever told louis about being pregnant is that you _always_ feel tired, no matter how fucking much you slept the night before.

top that off with more morning sickness and you have a sick and hazy louis and a you-better-be-alright-or-i-will-launch-myself-off-this-cliff (protective and worried) harry and those things are never a good mix.

louis is always very snappy when he’s tired and a week of aches and pains and throwing up everything until all that comes out is stomach acid has louis wanting to lay down and never move if the coming eight months are going to be the same.

-

they decide to take a trip to the parents house’s to tell them in person rather than on the phone because they both know neither of their mothers would appreciate that.

harry’s house is first, because anne is definitely calmer than jay. they discuss how to break the news on the ride over over but whatever plan they come up with doesn’t matter because anne just knows the minute she opens the door.

“you’re pregnant,” is all she says. louis nods, suddenly shy but then he’s being smothered in hugs and kisses and ‘oh my gods’ so it’s all great.

anne’s house is only one story, but it’s very big and roomy, which usually louis doesn’t mind, but at the moment, he loathes it.

it’s been a thing lately that louis has dizzy spells at the worst of times. sometimes he gets them when he stands up, which is fine because he can just sit back down until he feels okay again, but all the other times have been pretty terrifying (more for harry than louis).

the first time it happened was about a week ago at their very own local tescos.

louis was getting some honey mustard (one of his many, many cravings) and harry’d been searching the store for louis’ favorite licorice when louis felt his head spin and heart stutter fearfully. he felt his knees knock together and he grabbed the shelf in an attempt to hold himself up, but he ended up bringing the whole shelf down with him.

he was lucky that there’d been a stack of crates at the side to stop the shelf from falling the entire way or he would've been crushed for sure.

he was positioned on his hands and knees, so thankfully, his belly was unharmed, but he couldn’t seem to catch his breath, the room spinning around him and the shelf creased into his back and the lights were blinding. there was an employee by his side, but the frantic ‘are you alright sir?’s were lost on him. he couldn't process what was happening until he felt someone take his hand.

harry.

he looked into the panicked eyes of his lover and ever so slowly, things began to come into focus again.

“louis? are you okay babe? tell me what’s wrong,” he gripped his hand while the employee tried to straighten the shelf, carefully making sure none of the products fell on louis.

louis breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth for a few seconds before he felt better. “nothing. i feel fine,” he told harry.

harry narrowed his eyes and had opened his mouth to speak but louis grabbed his honey mustard, thanked the employee, and went straight to the checkout.

since then, louis has successfully avoided the conversation with various blowjobs and excuses of ‘running late for that thing i have’.

but thing is, anne’s house is very big and roomy and clean. anne takes a lot of pride in having an organized house. she keeps all the tables at the side, leaving a walkway big enough for a medium sized group of people.

and if louis happens to have a dizzy spell in that walkway, there would be nothing to grab onto.

and of course, that’s exactly what happens.

it’s after lunch, so louis has to go to the bathroom. the pregnancy symptoms have certainly hit him hard.

he leaves the dirty dishes with harry and anne and walks towards the living room when his world shakes.

fuck.

louis manages to whimper out a feeble, ‘harry’ before his legs falter and give out underneath him. he futilely grasps around, looking for something to hold him steady, but he goes down, falling straight onto his stomach.

his heart breaks and his lungs burn. not even four weeks in and he’s already likely killed the baby. he tries to lift himself up but his arms shake and he falls onto his side. his breathing stays labored and he hyperventilates, trying to catch a breath.

‘harry!’ he rasps out, louder this time.

he hears dishes clatter and footsteps coming towards him.

louis heavy gasps for breath are drowned out by hands hovering over him and voices yelling at him to breathe.

‘louis! lou! look at me,’ harry tells him, hands cupping his face. louis tries so so hard but his visions blurring and he can only make out the vague fuzziness of harry’s silhouette. ‘hey babe. just look at me. look at me and focus, baby. i need you to breathe.’

louis can only whimper in response. he just killed their baby.

‘baby, i’m gonna have to lift you up okay, but i can't do that if you don't breathe. please, louis,’ louis hears his voice crack towards the end and he knows that harry is crying.

louis cups a hand over his mouth to force down his gasps and breathes in deep through his nose. he gets some oxygen, but still not enough. the gasps choke up and clog his throat. it’s all too much.

he feels harry clutch his other hand as tears leak out of louis eyes.

eventually he manages to get enough breath for harry to lift him up and place him on the couch. the lightheadedness is yet to fade so louis pulls his knees up and buries his head in them.

harry keeps a comforting hand on his back as louis focuses on breathing evenly again.

he counts to ten, then breathes in deep, and repeats.

his breathing evens out slowly and louis sighs. he lifts his head up to see harry and anne wiping tears from their eyes.

louis reaches out the hand that harry’s not holding to cup his cheek, thumbing away the tears. harry stares at him, wide-eyed and afraid.

louis’s never seen harry afraid before.

harry sniffles and stands up suddenly. ‘that’s it, louis. we’re going to the hospital. right now.’

surprisingly, louis doesn't put up a fight. but harry would feel a lot better if he had. if louis willingly goes to the hospital, that’s when harry knows it’s bad.

anne packs them up some food because they know it’ll be yet another long wait in the emergency room, but neither harry nor louis have any appetite at the moment.

anne waves them off sadly as harry pulls out of the driveway. he does his best not to go past the speeding limit, trying to convince himself that this isn’t a terrible thing. last time they went to the emergency room, they came back with wonderful news.

he hopes it’s the same this time around.

when harry stops at a red light, he glances over to louis and his heart breaks when he sees his boy sobbing into his hands.

he coaxes one of louis hands off his face and laces their fingers together, paying no mind to the stickiness from louis’ tears in between.

‘you’ll be alright love, please don’t cry,’ harry kisses louis’ knuckles and squeezes his hand.

louis sobs even harder. ‘no, harry, you don’t understand.’

‘what don’t i understand, sweetheart?’ harry waits patiently as louis tries to catch his breath through his heavy sobs.

‘i fell on the baby, harry,’ louis whispers and pulls his hand out of harry’s to cry into his own again.

harry runs the red light.

-

it’s a weird sense of deja vu but this time it’s so much more frantic on both their ends.

harry does the same thing he did the first time; badgering the lady at the desk about when they would be able to go in.

louis though, paces back and forth, all over the room. a few people begin to get annoyed at him but his baby might be dead, so a few pissed off people are the least of his worries.

his baby might be dead.

louis feels it set in heavily on his chest.

he might have killed his baby.

he runs out the room in a panic, heaving harsh puffs of breath out of his mouth already. he darts down the nearest corridor and stops next to a beverage machine.

he slumps against the wall and cries into the excess cloth on his sweater. it doesn't take long for his hands to be removed and replaced by harry’s, which are cupping his face.

‘god, don’t ever run out on me like that again! i thought something happened to you!’ harry frets.

‘harry,’ louis sobs. ‘harry, i killed the baby.’

harry tilts louis’ chin up, forcing their eyes to meet. ‘you don’t know that, darling. our baby could be just fine,’ he says in a soft voice.

‘but what if he’s not?! what if i killed him, harry?!’ louis wails helplessly. he feels himself teeter a bit as his legs give out and he slowly slides down the wall so he’s sitting on the ground. harry goes right down with him.

‘then we’ll get through it together,’ harry replies. ‘maybe even try again when we’re more prepared. don’t beat yourself up over this, baby, please. we don’t even know what’s happened yet.’

‘but-’

‘hey. no buts. everything will be fine,’ harry gently tugs louis towards him and wraps his arms around him tight. louis moves his head to cry into harry’s chest as he sways them back and forth.

‘louis tomlinson?’

they both turn to see the lady who had been at the front desk, waiting for their moment to finish.

‘the doctor is ready for you now,’ shes tells them.

harry kisses louis’ forehead once and whispers again.

‘everything will be alright.’

-

harry clutches his hand when the doctor spreads the gel over louis stomach. it feels strange to be here again, for an entirely different reason than before.

the first time they left with the best news possible. this time, they’re both expecting the worst.

he watches as the doctor places the wand on louis’ stomach and moves it around, while watching the screen. he stops when the screen shows a white shape, standing out against the black background.

the doctor leans over and switches on the speaker and harry and louis stare at each other as the tiny heartbeat echos through the room.

-

they leave for jay’s house a few days after that, because anne had called her in a panic when harry’d taken louis to the hospital and now jay demands to see them.

louis gets a tight hug from anne when they’re saying their goodbyes and a whisper of ‘take care love.’ harry gets an equally tight hug, but a longer whisper and louis just knows anne is whispering about him so he settles down in the passenger seat of the car and waits.

harry sits down in the driver’s seat and they both wave at anne as they pull out of the driveway.

the car ride is mostly silent, both of them equally tired and frustrated.

during the Incident the other day, harry had over an hours telling the doctors all about louis’ dizzy spells, only to leave with a ‘we don’t have his records on hand, we can’t prescribe him anything, only his original doctor can do that’ and ‘if it persists for two more weeks, come back and we’ll do a checkup.’

thing is though, he can't wait two weeks. harry’s too worried something will happen again and he needs something to be done about it. right now.

louis’s more frustrated than worried. frustrated that he couldn't take care of his baby before it even came out, frustrated that even though the baby was okay, he feels like he still lost something and it’s leaving a gaping hole in his chest that almost makes it hard to breathe.

he doesn't care about what’s wrong with him. as long as it doesn't affect his baby, he’s good.

it's different for harry, though. they both know that if it came down to it, harry would take louis over the baby, even if he's never said it aloud, they both know it. he's selfish like that; that he'd rather anything else than lose louis.

as long as it doesn't affect _his_ baby, he’s good.

when they reach jay's house, the tense feeling around them doesn't diminish, even when louis' sister's pour out of the house and clutch onto louis, giggling.

harry watches as louis kisses them each on the cheek, whispering quiet hello's.

he can see jay standing by the door still, arms crossed, watching her children.

although he's met louis' family many times before, even spent weeks at their house, he feels out of place. everyone's buzzing with excitement and happiness and harry can't loosen up enough to join them.

he hardly even manages to hug back when the girls come over to greet him, but none of them seem to mind.

as they all begin to pour into the house, louis grabs harry's hand and holds it like a lifeline and ducks his head shyly when his mother stops him at the door.

"louis," her tone is stern and harry squeezes louis' hand in support.

louis flings himself into her arms, arm awkwardly stretched back to keep the hold on harry's hand.

she stumbles back a bit, but catches herself in time that neither of them fall.

no one wants a repeat.

-

louis finds himself stark naked in the shower, wiping off the grime of a well stressful day.

harry had tried to shower with him, but louis yelled that his sisters were home and his mum and they'd get the wrong idea. harry tried to wait outside the bathroom, but louis said they'd still get the wrong idea. he wasn't sure which, but he knew they would.

louis just wanted a little time to gather himself before socializing with his family, because it take a lot out of him just to speak to someone and he just needed a moment.

but, seeing as louis's stumbling around in the shower, he sees what a bad idea it was to say no to harry.

he stares up at the shower head and watches as it goes out of focus. he drops to his knees with a thud, clutching the slippery shower handle to keep himself upright.

'louis, are you okay?' harry shouts from outside the door.

'yeah, i'm fine,' louis wavers out, but he doesn't sound fine at all. he sounds weak and scared and harry's opening the door, dammit.

he grabs the towel off the rack and wraps it around louis' shoulders. he clutches his hands and slowly helps louis stand. he give him a second to get used to being on his feet before helping him over the edge of the tub.

he sits him down on the bed and runs back into the bathroom, coming back with a fluffy robe. he puts it on louis, having to help him put his arms through because louis feel too weak to lift his limbs and ties it loosely around his waist.

louis looks at him and harry just sighs and shakes his head.

'why're you such an idiot?'

louis scoffs. 'as if you're any better.'

'i am actually,' harry glares at him. 'i'm not the one putting my stupid pride over the well being of myself or my baby!'

louis flinches as harry snaps at him. 'get out.'

'louis, we have to talk about this,' harry tries, softer this time.

'i said get out,' louis repeats. he doesn't dare look at him.

harry huffs. 'alright, if that's what you want.'

harry leaves the room and louis feels like he's lost something even bigger this time.

-

it's actually lottie that manages to talk some sense into louis.

she comes to his room after dinner and barges in without knocking.

'what the hell is wrong with you.'

'what,' louis says. he's been curled up in the bed since harry left.

'we both know you're being stupid, louis,' she says, sitting on the bed and poking his side until he wiggles like a worm to get away.

'you're stupid,' louis pouts.

'not as stupid as you, stupid,' she replies. 'what's this about, then?'

'lottie, i don't think you'd understand the feelings of a hormonal pregnant man, so it's best if you just leave,' louis tells her. she won't understand. she's never failed to protect her child before.

'louis, if this is about you almost losing the baby, then you really are being stupid.'

louis blinks at her. 'what.'

'you almost lost the baby, louis, nobody expects you to be okay,' lottie sighs. 'but we do expect you to turn to harry when you need help.'

'i do.'

'not when it comes to the baby.'

'i just,' louis tries. 'i should be able to take care of the baby myself, right? i mean he's _inside_ of me. he expects me to be able to. i  _should_ be able to.

'louis, harry's here to take care of _both_ of you,' lottie pats his side. 'you can let him, y'know.'

'i know i can. i just can't always rely on him every time something goes wrong, right? i should-'

‘there's a baby on board, you absolute imbecile,' lottie cuts him off. 'you need to let him take care of you.’

louis huffs out a breath at her tone but nods hesitantly. 'okay.'

-

louis creeps downstairs in the late hours of the night.

harry didn't come upstairs, probably thinking louis still wanted his space, but louis wants nothing more than to be held right now, so instead of waiting until morning like he originally planned to, louis sneaks down to see harry.

harry's splayed out on the couch with a flimsy blanket covering parts of his body, staring at the t.v. screen playing infomercials. he looks up when louis teeters up beside the couch, a sheepish look on his face.

'hi.'

'hello,' harry replies cautiously. 'alright?'

'yeah, everything's fine,' louis assures him. 'i just came down to see you.'

'oh. oh, okay! um, sit, sit down,' harry shoots up and moves himself up the couch to make room for louis.

louis sits by his feet, smiling at him still. 'so, um. i'm here to apologize.'

harry furrows his eyebrows at him. 'for what?'

'for being an idiot,' louis says, but continues on to explain himself. 'you were right, it is a little about pride, but it's more about, like, status, i guess? i mean, the baby's inside of  _me._  he's already relying on my body for food and things, but he's also relying on me to bring him into this world safely, y'know? and a couple of weeks in and i've already failed him.'

harry whispers to him. 'he's not just relying on you, louis. he's relying on me to keep you safe, which technically means that i'm keeping him safe, too. it's a win-win situation.'

louis chuckles. 'i don't want to rely on you to lookout for me on everything, haz.'

harry leans in and peck him on the lips. 'i want you to. i want you to be able to look to me for anything and everything, lou.'

'and i want to do the same for him!' louis rubs a hand over his small bump. 'don't you see?'

'i do, louis, believe me, but i don't understand why you think you have to take on that responsibility on your own. he may not be inside me, but he's my baby, too,' harry reaches out and gently pulls him into a tight hug.

'it's just - you already do that for me and i don't want to make you do it for him, too,' louis mumbles into his chest.

'i want to, louis. i always want to take care of you, and now i always want to take care of him,' harry mouths into his hair.

louis shifts around slightly so he's curled up in harry's lap. 'okay.'

harry smiles. 'i'll always take care of you, okay?'

louis kisses him.

'okay.'

**Author's Note:**

> i have ideas for like two more parts, but feel free to comment down below what you'd like to see happen


End file.
